Premier League Transfer News 29th July 2008

Chelsea kiss goodbye to Robinho as Wright-Phillips gets his chance

So now the storm has passed (we had a thunderstorm round by me, at least) and Liverpool have done the honourable thing by making a stupidly expensive transfer, it should open the floodgates for everyone else to do the same. Unfortunately, because Tottenham are the only team with any cash now, we may have to wait a while. Leaning against the bus stop, checking their watches and tutting today:

Cesc Fabregas has reacted shockingly to the news he wants to join Real Madrid eventually (sorry, that should read ‘was shocked’) by rubbishing the reports of the words that came directly out of his mouth. What he actually meant to say was ‘Real Madrid? Get a life.’ When what he actually said was ‘Real Madrid? Yeah, I’m going there next season.’ Elsewhere, Arsenal are about to pull off the stunning transfer coup of beating Newcastle to the signature of Gokan Inler from Udinese, for five hundred million pennies.

Aston Villa are now offically made of string and old newspaper, a situation that seems to make Martin O’Neill happy but not the fans. That’s why this morning some more pointless links surfaced, specifically the offer of £4.5 million for Reading’s Nicky Shorey, Real Madrid’s Reuben de la Red and Dynamo Kiev based Morroccan called Badr El-Khaddouri. Pigs are currently circling Bodymoor Heath, and even they’re getting tired now.

Chelsea are back at number three with a bullet and they don’t want Robinho anymore. You should check your calendar to see if it’s April 1st because Scolari is considering giving Shaun Wright-Phillips an extended run out in the league next season. Remember, it’s only a trick on us until midday, Phil.

Everton know how to flog a dead horse alright and Andy Johnson’s £12 million move to Fulham proves it. Now, the money is going to be diverted one of two ways. Firstly, they can up their bid for Joao Moutinho to £15 million and bag a superstar. Or they can offer £10 million for Darren Bent and have Tottenham on the phone all day asking if this is a wind-up. Decisions, decisions.

As a coda, Fulham will sign Andy Johnson today. Hopefully.

Liverpool are now officially inactive in the transfer market. Mind you, everyone thought it was safe to go into the water in Jaws, so expect a slightly increased offer for Gareth Barry this week.

Manchester City really, really want Tal Ben Haim off of Chelsea. But rather than a convoluted and hilarious kidnap, they’re going to do it the hard way and buy him for £5 million and offer him Chelsea-style wages. When will they ever learn?

Despite me reporting it a month ago, Manchester United still haven’t done the honorable thing and sold Chris Eagles to Burnley. Not so now. There’ll be a shotgun wedding of United’s reserve talent and Burnley for the princely sum of £1 million pretty soon.

Newcastle are desperately scrabbling round the bargain transfer bin of life, the one reserved for Premier League clubs with more money than sense. King Kev is holding up a nice Fabricio Coloccini from Deportivo La Coruna and isn’t even slightly baulking at the £7 million price tag.

Portsmouth boss Harry Redknapp, who is also Younes Kaboul's part-time agent, is certain he's last in line to get the player behind Sunderland and Aston Villa. On Saturday it was reported the club had signed Kaboul. Someone ask Harry what the frig is going on, please?

Spurs are now swaggering round the place like their packet is twenty million times bigger than anybody else’s but you can’t get over the fact that they don’t really have any strikers that work at the moment. So, it’s Russia where Juande Ramos will head, and throw cheques ineffectually as CSKA Moscow and Zenit St. Petersburg dangle Roman Pavlyuchenko and Andrei Arshavin respectively over his head, shouting ‘Higher, monkey! Not enough!’ And of course, they’re in for every other player linked with another club, as per.

And finally, Steve Bruce is barrelling round Wigan like a cheerful singing potato because not only has he persuaded Boro’s own tear-stained Lee Cattermole to join the JJB Revolution (they’ve changed their logo and badge, don’tcha know?) but also persuaded Paul Scharner to sign a new contract.

I wanna see the sunshine after the rain.

Chris Stanley

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