Kicked By a Donkey: What's the Point of Aston Villa?

Kicked By A Donkey
What’s the point in Aston Villa?

“No disrespect but I don’t want to be Swansea boss. They probably don’t want me. Aston Villa? What’s the point? What can you do with them?”

These words, spoken by Sir Alex Ferguson...no, wait. No, it was Jose Mourinho. Nope, wrong again. I assume it’s some overlooked European legend with tactical nous the size of Jupiter and a mobile phone constantly on the point of exploding because of the amount of times it vibrates in a single hour. At a push, I’d be surprised to hear Arsene Wenger to say those words in an unguarded moment, or a rent-a-quote like Ian Holloway. Certainly, they’d have had to earn some kudos over many seasons of relative success.

I don’t know if he was in London or Azerbaijan when he gave these choice cuts to the Standard, but Tony Adams has got some brass neck, hasn’t he? I’m tempted to say he’s got a lot of bottle, but I think Ian Wright got first dibs on that quip. Adams, currently an adviser to Gabala FC in the former Soviet republic, has obviously taken too much of whatever they have over there – sun? Wind? Eurovision Song Contests? I don’t want to disrespect Gabala FC, as they might be at the same level in their league as Villa are in the Premier League, but that would still make them, by my reckoning, as good as a side unable to make it into the play-off rounds of the Europa League.

Let’s just check, shall we? Hmm, on his one full season in charge, Tony Adams guided Gabala to the head-spinning heights of 7th in the Azerbaijan Premier League, which is a league of 12 teams. But let’s be fair to the managerial colossus: that did put them top of the Relegation Group in the table, and to make matters worse, the Azerbaijan Premier League was using the Jabulani ball from the World Cup. So who knows, maybe there was some demonic physics at work making it impossible for Tony Adams to make Gabala all that they could be.

But like any pundit worth their salt, I can’t take this effort in isolation. I’ll have to take a look at Adams’ managerial record since he took the reins at a few other clubs. Well, it’s a short but relatively stable history, if by stable you mean “looks like a see-saw in which the right hand end is cemented into the ground”. Taking the helm at Wycombe Wanderers in 2003, they were relegated in May 2004 for only the second time in their history. Tough break, Tone. So realising his limitations, our intrepid hero made his way to Holland, where according to his Standard interview he was a first team coach at Feyenoord and Utrecht. He was also a trainee, apparently, making his role sound a little like work experience.

He bounced back in style, becoming assistant manager to Harry Redknapp at Portsmouth. Fair plays to them, they did win an FA Cup and finish 9th in the league. How much of this glory you can lay at the feet of Adams is open to debate, but the fact that the season after, in which he was promoted to the big chair, Pompey picked up 10 points from 16 games speaks for itself. And now Portsmouth are getting threatening letters from the milkman which kind of suggests it was success that came from a chairman’s pocket rather than a tactical revolution.

I know that it’s easy to look at Tony Adams as a figure of fun, to point at the fact his stock has fallen low and he has delusions of grandeur about managing “the” Arsenal. I’m sure that when Villa fans saw that quote in a few outlets there was pained outrage and probably some uncharitable slurs about his past misdemeanours. But the man is entitled to his opinion, and as long as he can take the brickbats that come his way, fine.

But the question he raises is one of faith, and I guess in that way he has to be listened to. Just what is the point in Aston Villa? After all, Randy Lerner is bound to have asked himself the same in the past few years. A massive chunk of his fortune has been loaned to the club for no reward other than a fake World Cup trophy handed over by the Moonies.

And us, as fans, have just seen the worst two seasons of football at Villa Park in living memory. We’re further behind the big guns now than we were at the end of the second Ellis-era and only just convincing a sceptical press that we’re on the long walk back to respectability. What reason do we have to keep coming back or believing?

Well, we don’t, and I guess that’s the point about being a fan, a manager, and an owner. We follow, and believe in Villa like a Real Madrid fan or a Bayern fan or a Brazil fan keeps believing. There are a myriad of objectives to play for and by God, do we play for them all. In 1994, when Manchester United were odds-on for a treble and Aston Villa creamed them at Wembley, that’s the point of football. When the United States beat England 1-0 with a team of amateurs in 1950, that’s the point of football. When Greece won the 2004 European Championships against the hosts Portugal, they got football’s point.

Adams as much as anybody should have realised that football is a game peppered with leaps of faith and illogical results. When he was stuck in prison, could he have ever thought he’d win another two Championships with Arsenal and captain his country? When he was admitting his alcoholism, did he think the new hardline regime at Arsenal would support him? Probably not. Did he think his outstanding Gunners would let the Noses win at Wembley? Definitely not.

So why he came out with such a derogatory statement is illogical in itself. It sounds like something you’d come out with in the pub, which is as insulting as it gets when discussing the man. But we give as we get here at Villa, and we’re used to getting stick from Arsenal fans (Tom ‘Lofty off Eastenders’ Watt once referring to a match we were involved in on live radio as “a shit match between two shit teams”). We can take these unkind words for what they are, which is rubbish from a tiny voice desperate to be heard (and there will be a day when Swansea might want a manger at Adams’ level of football, and pass him over because of their long memories).

But for the time being, we’ll carry on letting Paul Lambert do a fine job to which there is no point, Tony. In the meantime, I believe Gabala have a tricky away trip to FK Baku to be advised on, so I won’t keep you any further.

Chris Stanley

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