Premier League Transfer News 3rd August 2008

Premier League Transfer News 3rd August 2008

It’s just a lazy, dog-dangling day today and the Premier League is no exception. I mean, come on, if you can’t do better than this, then there’s really no point bothering. It’s the Millennium Dome. It’s Eldorado. It’s Blackburn losing 4-2 to Wolves. So here are some truly terrible transfer…things to keep you going if you’re really desperate for them on a quite pleasant Sunday morning:

Arsenal will attempt to lure Gareth Barry away from Villa and Liverpool because Arsene Wenger is looking for an experienced midfielder and blah blah blah. This rumour is as old as the hills and slightly younger than the Liverpool one but doesn’t stop it being anything you haven’t heard before.

Aston Villa have conceded they will lose Gareth Barry because he wants to go blah blah blah. Has there been anything as annoying to Villa fans as Rafa Benitez and Steven Gerrard opening their gobs? This is easily to blame for Villa’s lack of transfer activity. Soon I’ll also blame them for the Crimean War, the fact Apollo 13 didn’t land on the Moon and the final scene in Brookside where Jimmy Corkhill paints a ‘D’ on the end of the ‘Brookside Close’ street sign. And following yesterday’s draw at Reading, the absence of Nicky Shorey and the fact that a Premier League club has made an offer have led people to think that it’s Villa who will sign him. Villa sign anyone? Have you got the fever?

Just in case you thought all transfer rumours were in some way Gareth Barry-related, Blackburn will compensate for their humiliation at the hands of the Old Gold and Black yesterday by punting £3 million Oldham’s way and buying Neil Eardley. Now Incey, word of advice. They looked good against MK Dons and Macclesfield. Not so against Chelsea. Take your time and maybe sign somebody whose best chance of getting into Europe is not a special offer in The Sun.

Bolton are a bunch of cheeky beggars and knowing that West Brom have bid for Abdoulaye Meite, have put together a part-ex deal involving Jonathan Greening going the other way. Club captain for nobody you’ve heard of? It’s standard practice for a West Midlands club to go along with that.

Chelsea and Frank Lampard will sign a new contract according to Scolari thank you please stop. No, really.

Everton know that their whole European thing depends on having eleven fit players to play for them. They don’t necessarily have to be any good, so that’s why David Moyes wants to raid Man Yoo for midfielder Darren Fletcher. He’s offering £3 million, which Ferguson will never accept in a month of Sundays for the utility man who he’s not ashamed to play.

Fulham want Everton to drop their price for Andy Johnson, from £10.5 million. I was under the impression the transfer was going through at £12 million, so hasn’t it already dropped? Blimey, by this time next week you could get him for a 10p mix.

Manchester City need another striker and Roque Santa Cruz is the man they’ve chosen. After most of their strikers last season being utter shash, you can see why but when Alex Ferguson’s banging on about having no striker cover and Arsenal maybe thinking about spending some money before the end of the decade, the chances are slim, especially when he can only persuade Frank Shinnywater to put up £12 million.

King Kev was actually looking quite a player in the transfer market with the news that Fabricio Coloccini actually got quite angry at the thought of not being allowed to move to Newcastle, but as ever with Kev-er, he’s gone and spoiled it all by saying something stupid, chiefly the words “Can we have Philippe Senderos?” to Arsenal. They say yes, but only for £10 million, or £7 million and Shay Given. Now we find out just how much of a mug Keegan is.

Portsmouth are getting tired of chasing Younes Kaboul, according to reports. I don’t believe it. The media reckon ‘Arry has baulked at Tottingham’s £7 million valuation but I think it’s just another of his special tricks to let another club do the groundwork before steaming in. The next three weeks will see if I’m right.

Someone ought to tell Spurs that if they sell someone for a large amount of money, that money will only take you so far, and while it’s admirable to want to BUY EVERY PLAYER YOU POSSIBLY CAN, eventually that cash has to run out. So I axe you this – how is it possible to want to buy Andrei Arshavin for £19 million and West Ham’s Dean Ashton for £18 million, and keep Dimitar Berbatov? I’m just being cruel to be kind now but Tottenham Hotspur will not win the Premier League. Elsewhere, Aaron Lennon hasn’t seen the writing on the wall yet and has rejected a move to Newcastle. You can guess why.

West Brom want Sheffield United midfielder Michael Tonge and will pay up to £2 million. After the white heat of Tottenham’s escapades, I felt we all needed a metaphorical cold shower.

And finally, CronaldoNews, and you’ve heard it before. He wants to tell SAF (ugh, I feel dirty after that) that he wants to move to Real Madrid. Arse.

There are weird scenes inside the goldmine. Trust me on this.

Chris Stanley

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